~ Waiting ~ September 27, 2009

I tend to have a compulsion to write about this every year.  An overwhelming desire to put this experience in writing…and this year is no different.  Just be thankful I’m using a different platform this year, so as to not bore you to tears.

 

There is a solitary day in every year that I experience AUTUMN.   It is truly one of my favorite moments in time out of the whole 365 days of the year.  I feel it coming, and the anticipation is energizing.

 

I think many people identify with this feeling or experience, but many describe it as melancholy or depressing. I prefer to call it bittersweet.  It taps into a place deep in my soul that is literally impenetrable, and I love that.  Makes me feel alive.

 

It usually happens in the morning.  Just one morning, I walk outside, and it hits me like a heavenly bath…  It’s the LIGHTING, the AIR, the SCENT, the PRESENCE of everything true and passionate and spiritual.

 

The lighting it just DIFFERENT ~ it’s very hard to describe, but I know it when it happens and am moved to tears.  Why do I crave such emotion?  Something that is somewhat bitter ~ only because it taps into a place so deep… but sweet ~ that releases such hope, joy and gratitude.  It reminds me of my favorite line in the movie “Steel Magnolias”…

 

“Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion…. “

 

It feels just like that.  An overwhelming release. In fact, when this moment hits me, I do cry and laugh at the same time. Although I’m usually laughing at myself FOR crying.  I wish that everyone could experience this even just once in his or her lifetime.  Perhaps we all do, but don’t realize it.  I feel very blessed to be able to appreciate it.

 

Something about this time of year does make me reminiscent.  I think of where I was in life during that very second in years passed. I don’t mean physically where I was…but figuratively.  Am I the same woman I was last year at that moment of truth?  Two years ago?  Who has touched my life in the last year?  It’s like this second is stamped in my soul forever…and everything about my life gets imprinted there as well. An emotional “back up”, if you will.

 

I sat outside for a bit this afternoon and caught glimpses of Autumn.  I was flooded with the memories of this time last year … a very amazing and life-changing time for me.   The way the lighting and the air took me back was nothing short of surreal.  That time imprinted on my soul forever.

 

I wonder what will be imprinted this year?  I suspect it will be related to this past weekend… the experience of meeting some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met in my life.  When that moment hits me… when Autumn wraps her golden arms around me this year… what will be released from that deep place within me and what will be deposited there?  I cannot wait to find out.

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